embracing a different culture

In 2016, my husband and I left the hustle and bustle of home life in America and headed for a small town in Germany for our first experience of professional hockey abroad. At the time, my husband and I weren't engaged or married, so living abroad was a real test not just for his career, but for our relationship. Being in a different culture, the only person we could really rely on was each other — and that was proven true day after day once we were there. 

Before going abroad, I literally thought every day would be like a Hallmark movie. I had visions of my husband and I strolling around cobblestone streets, the locals giggling at our broken German but understanding exactly which croissant we wanted, and spending every down moment with the other wives and girlfriends. Looking back, it’s hilarious that I thought those things. In reality, our first year was us embracing culture shock and trying not to offend everyone. 

Culture Shock #1: Ich spreche kein Deutsch!

We were told that English wasn’t the first language but a majority of people spoke it. That was not the case in our first small, Bavarian town. Most people did not speak a lick of English or were too embarrassed to speak it if they knew it. 

The first time we went to a German supermarket, we spent over an hour inside because we were roaming each aisle, reading and translating things that we thought were familiar. We thought the safest place to order food was a McDonald’s because the food on the menu was in English, but even that was a fiasco due to pronunciation differences. Most of the German words I perfected were all food related if you’re catching my drift.

My husband learned a lot of German at the rink because he was surrounded by it all day. Me, on the other hand, spent a lot of time alone on different translation apps. Unlike my husband, I didn’t arrive in Germany with an instant group of friends that I saw every day. 

In short, if we wanted to make our time in Germany a happy one, we both had to embrace the language. It was ignorant for us to expect others to speak to us in English when we were in their home country. German came fairly easy to my husband, and for me… well, it’s still a struggle but I’d rather embrace it than live in fear. 

Culture Shock #2: Staying In Another Country Legally

Before my husband and I were married, we were told I was allowed to be in Germany legally for 90 days before I’d need some sort of visa or residence permit. Now, every hockey partner who has been abroad has most likely been in this situation, but the first hassle with the visa office is always a traumatizing one. 

Once my 90 days were coming to a close, we were told that I was not a candidate for a residence permit — even though I wasn’t working in Germany and was completely reliant on my boyfriend who was legally allowed to work in Germany. My only options were to take German classes, get married ASAP, or leave the country. Knowing how hard the German language was (and how much I loathed school), I was ready to pack my bags haha. 

However, we eventually settled on taking German classes. If my husband was looking to make a career in Germany, I should embrace the culture fully and take classes so I could stay in the country legally. 

Well…. My experience with German lessons was a shit show. Because I registered late, the closest class nearby was 40 minutes away. My electric car couldn't get there and back safely, I didn’t have a German phone plan to help with directions, and classes were six hours long, which got in the way of my remote job. 

Looking back, I don’t know how I got through that time in my life. However, my end goal was always being able to stay legally with my boyfriend. I wanted his time in Europe to be a successful one and I didn’t want to be a damper on that experience.

For anyone traveling to a new country and runs into a visa issue, my advice is to follow your gut and to embrace what feels right for you and your relationship. Embracing a new language and school was hard but it was better for me than being without my husband.

Culture Shock #3: Stick Shifts & Ambulances 

By our third year in Germany, I felt like I fully embraced the German culture. I owned a dirndl, I tried the local cuisine, I learned bits and pieces of German, I was recycling correctly… And then we were given a stick-shift car: my greatest fear. 

After having an electric car for two years, I had visions of me crashing through a small Bavarian village while trying to understand stick shift. My husband eventually taught me the ropes in a few parking lots, but I never felt fully confident. 

One day, my husband was on the road and I decided I wanted fresh gelato in the city. I felt confident enough to drive 10 minutes down the road into the city for a bit. I somehow by the grace of every Real Housewife made it there safely, but getting home was a different story…

As soon as the street light turned green, I slowly tried getting into first gear and I stalled. My heart sank because there were a few cars behind me, I tried again and the same thing happened… All of a sudden the light was red again and no one had moved because they were all waiting for me. At this point I am absolutely shaking and sweating out of every orpheus. My legs were so shaky that I couldn’t feel the pedals to transition into first gear again. 

The light turned green and I couldn’t move. I was stuck. Cars started honking and going around me, and to make matters worse, our car had the team name on it. Everyone knew it was a hockey player’s family member. I didn’t know how on earth I was going to get out of this situation. Suddenly, an ambulance pulled up alongside me. They clearly thought I had a stroke at the wheel or my car died. In actuality, it was just my stick-shift nerves preventing me from getting into bloody first gear. 

The ambulance driver drove my car to the side of the road and literally waited until I got the car into first gear and followed me home haha. I’m so thankful for that man because if he didn’t help me, I’d probably still be at that light. 

In this instance, embracing the stick-shift culture was necessary but I left the driving to my husband and walked everywhere instead haha. 

You see, there are a lot of things that can go wrong when you’re in a new culture, but there are also a lot of things that can go right. You learn a lot about yourself when you’re in a new country and it’s an amazing time to grow. It’s a time that can either make you or break you, and you find out how strong you are because of it. It’s also an amazing learning experience for your relationship. As close as you thought you were, you’ll never be closer than when translating a German food menu or dealing with a different culture’s visa guidelines. 

Embrace the differences, learn from your experiences, and allow it to transform you into the person you were meant to be.