Trying to “Fit In” to the Hockey Lifestyle
What to do When You’re Feeling Left Out
The hockey lifestyle is exciting, overwhelming, and can be extremely lonely. We pack up our lives and move 2 or more times a year leaving behind family, friends, and the comfort of the place we call home. This sacrifice is worth it when it’s all to be with the person you love, but making friends in the hockey world is important during the long road trips and late nights alone.
When I first met my now fiance, I was excited to meet the other girls and go to games together to support our significant others. I expected to be met with a warm welcome, but at times I felt completely left out, and I still deal with situations like this today after 2 and a half years in the hockey world. Whether we know it or not, when there’s a group of girls there’s always the tendency to become “clique-y,” but this makes it difficult for new girls to feel welcome and wanted.
Unfortunately this can also happen on teams you’ve been on for a year, two years, or longer. I feel like this shouldn’t even have to be said, but if half or more of the girls are getting together, you should be inviting all of the girls. However, this mutual respect for each other in the same lifestyle doesn’t always happen, and it can result in girls feeling left out.
Recently I’ve felt this exclusion first hand, so here’s what I’ve done to make the season a positive experience when I’m feeling left out. I hope it can be helpful to anyone else struggling through a similar situation.
ACCEPT AND RELEASE THE SITUATION
I know, easier said than done. I found myself agonizing over the situation, wondering what had I done to be left out? But here’s the thing - this isn’t a “you” problem. So some girls may not like you? Oh well, they don’t hold any weight over your happiness and in the end it’s actually an internal problem to hold so much negativity against others and enjoy seeing their sadness. Why would you want to spend your time with people who don’t value all that you are as a person? When you understand that YOU are in control of the success of your relationship, your life, and ultimately your happiness, the need to spend time with others who don’t fit your values becomes unimportant to the bigger picture of your life.
When I finally came to this realization, that it’s not my responsibility to control the way others feel about me, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I turned my focus back in towards myself and asked myself, why was I really here?
The answer - to support my fiance and to continue to nurture my own happiness.
PRIORITIZE YOURSELF
When we’ve packed up our whole life to accommodate our significant others, our self confidence can be affected. That’s why it’s important to put energy into the activities that make you feel like yourself! This could be a job, a hobby, school, anything that fills your cup and makes you feel internally fulfilled. During times this past season when I felt excluded, I made more of an effort to stick to a daily routine and fill my time with both work and relaxing activities to keep my mind off of the situation at hand.
Gratitude in these times is also extremely important. Being grateful for all the blessings you have, despite what may be going on, creates space for the people that are truly meant to be in your life for the right reasons.
Sometimes we turn to outside sources, such as people, to make us feel fulfilled, but true fulfillment comes from happiness within ourselves. I always feel better and more confident after I’ve put myself into things and people that I love.
REACH OUT TO YOUR TRUE LOVED ONES
The isolation of being left out or excluded can make us feel like we don’t have anyone to lean on besides our significant others. Most of us live far away from our family and friends so it can be hard to feel connected, but it’s important to remember that you are SO loved by your people.
My family and I do a weekly Zoom to catch up and laugh - it’s just a good time and it makes me miss them just a little less. Even a lighthearted quick call with a friend can make such a difference.
In the end, we don’t all have to be best friends, not everyone will always get along, personalities will clash, but that isn’t an excuse for fragementing the group and purposely excluding girls who have every right to be. We all know that drama will happen, but involving yourself in it or feeling negatively about yourself as a result of it is unnecessary and will just invite more negativity into your life. Instead, focus on the positives and know that ultimately, you’re there to support the person you love.
I can personally say that once I released the opinions of others and turned my focus towards myself and my relationship, I truly came to love the ups and downs of the hockey lifestyle and now I attract the right kinds of people into my life.
