The Secret Of Friendship

How I kept my day ones around

Friendships. We all know about them. We all have encountered our fair share of them. They can be pretty great and last a few years, or sometimes they aren’t so great and teach you a lesson in the end. Then you have the friendships that will last a lifetime. The ones that stick around for a lifetime are true friends, at least I’d like to think so. Friendships can teach you so many things not only about others but really about yourself. When I was younger and started to make friends, I remember always wanting to be everyone's friend. I always wanted to be a part of each group whether I connected with them or not. As I got older I started to understand that everyone is different and honestly not everyone will like you. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing either. You are supposed to be surrounding yourself with people that make you the best version of yourself possible, not people that you think should be in your circle just because they are “cool” to others or have been around since you were 6.

I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by a circle of friends since a very young age. We are talking like 5 years old. These are my girls. My day ones. We have gone through all the stages of life and never seemed to lose touch. We have matured together. We all went to separate colleges, except one. She became my roommate. I always wondered how we would pan out as a group as we kept growing up, but each stage brought us closer and closer. I have seen so many groups of friends just fall apart as life goes on. I get it. Everyone changes, some people just take different paths. Others realize what a true friend is and walks away for the better.

I first learned about the hockey lifestyle and what it entails when I began dating my boyfriend.. The long distance. The unknown. I was all for it. I knew that I wanted to be in this life supporting the one I love no matter what. It made me the happiest, but I honestly wasn’t sure how my friends would take the change in lifestyle. They are amazing women, but me venturing out away to who knows where was different than the norm of the group. I also have heard so many stories from other girls in this lifestyle losing friends because they just are not about the change. I thought to myself how much I respect and celebrate what makes my friends happy, so why would my happiness be any different? It wasn’t.

Don't get me wrong the change was very different. As a group we had to adjust to the constant facetimes, the group chat going off more than usual, and the mailing birthday gifts instead of at the group dinner. I have always appreciated how my friends handle my choice in lifestyle. They could have honestly just called it quits on me because I'm never around but they didn't. They ask questions. They want to be informed on what my life in this hockey world is made of. They want to understand, And that to me means more to me than anything. That is the difference between a friend and a lifetime friend.

Being in this specific lifestyle has taught me so much when it comes to what it takes to maintain friendships, not only with hometown friends but also with my friends from hockey. The biggest key that I can think of is realizing it is not a one way street. You can't always be the one to reach out and vice versa. What type of relationship is that if it is constantly one sided? I personally always make it a priority to at some point check in on my friends when I can not be in the same city as them. Think about how it would feel if no one ever checked in on you? I know living in a hockey world has its bad days. It's difficult to deal with the traveling, the trades, the contracts, and the new cities. It isn’t easy by any means but because I have maintained the important friendships in my life, I know I can lean on any one of them when I need to. I remember this past season my boyfriend was dealing with a possible call up. Not one, but two within the same week. I was extremely overwhelmed with not knowing what was going to happen, especially with covid protocols. I was also the only girlfriend that was currently living with a player on his team. I felt very alone. So I called one of my friends from home and just vented. She listened. She picked me up and reminded me it would all work out. The thing about this story is the friend I called has nothing to do with hockey. She has never lived this life, but because she made an effort to understand the lifestyle she was able to support me, reassure me, and be a shoulder to lean on when I needed it. That's the thing about maintaining the right friendships, they don’t necessarily need to be living the same style of life as you to be a good friend. You shouldn’t have to lose friends because they just don’t get your life.

Another aspect that has developed such a strong relationship between my friends and I is the fact that I always make sure I am staying one hundred percent true to myself. I stay true to the decisions I make and the way I carry myself. This is so crucial to maintaining the right people in your life. If you are changing your ways to impress or to relate to someone else because you think they are cool or you guys happen to be in the same situation, you will never end up truly happy around that person. If you allow yourself to be your true self, you will be surrounded by people that lift you up and embrace you for all the amazing things you are. I know sometimes being in the hockey lifestyle can be hard when it comes to friendships. You are constantly meeting new people or thrown into different groups of women every city you go to. I know it’s easy to just play it cool and try to be relatable to everyone, but it will become even harder for yourself if you are constantly forcing a friendship just because your boyfriends are teammates. It is okay to not be everyone's friend. It is okay to not relate or connect to every person that crosses your path. So at the end of the day stay true to yourself, embrace the people that embrace you, and never hold on to a friendship that doesn’t respect you just because they have been around forever. You will meet so many people in this life. You will make amazing friends, but you will also come across people that just aren’t meant to hold a place in your life. I am so thankful for my girls but I also know they are still around because we celebrate each other, we support each other, and we respect each other. Find your people, and keep the ones that make you the best version of yourself around. Life is too short for friends less than that.